# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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