i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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