She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
