btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
