Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
