At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
