Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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