my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize