im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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