I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
