her vagine was all disorganized.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This house was built for laser tag.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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