Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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