this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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