Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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