textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
