im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
