i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
