only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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