"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
