the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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