He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
