I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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