I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
