I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
