if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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