ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize