Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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