I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
