there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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