dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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