YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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