i jhust puked up my retainher.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
