No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
