Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
