I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
