is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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