I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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