Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
