I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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