i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
