What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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