apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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