you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
