so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
