How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize