I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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