we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
