did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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