is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
