Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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