I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
