sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
