I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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