im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
