I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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