I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
