sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
