I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
