nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
