I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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