What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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