Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
