you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
