I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
