How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
