she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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