i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
