I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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