Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize