I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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